It was not long after my Bar Mitzvah. A visiting rabbi from Kansas was chatting with my father, of blessed memory, after Synagogue services. At some point he turned to me, gave me a warm pat on the back and said, “You look like a very fine and promising young man.” I knew I was just a mischievous 13-year-old but his kind words, spoken with warmth and a smile, stuck with me. I never forgot them.
This week we read Emor, which means “Speak.” The name itself teaches us that words matter deeply. A simple sentence spoken in passing can either weigh heavily on someone’s heart or light a spark within them. A negative comment can discourage or even define a person. But just as real, and even more powerful, is how a positive word can uplift, affirm and awaken someone’s hidden strengths. People often become who we speak them into being.
Our sages taught, “Judge every person favorably.” That doesn't just mean giving someone the benefit of the doubt. It also means focusing on the ‘favorable’ parts of who they are. G-d placed every soul in a unique set of circumstances and with that gave them the inner strength to rise to their challenges. When we focus on that strength, when we choose to see and speak to the good, we can actually help people grow into it. We elevate them simply by believing in who they can become.
When we continuously highlight the positive in another person, their negative behaviors or traits can eventually fade away in the presence of such overwhelming positivity.